…that’s what I thought – You’re a douchebag and I hate you.
You haven’t changed.
Once upon a time, I liked you.
At the end of 2010 I started walking on the basement treadmill and drinking shakeology. (that treadmill that was purchased in 2005, mid-pregnancy of my first son – it collected dust until my second son turned 2). It was probably the worst time of year to start getting in shape, but I needed it. I was up around 167lbs, very ready for a change mentally and physically.
Walking lead to slowly running which lead to me saying yes to run a 5k in less than 5 weeks from starting to run?! Yes, that escalated quickly but needless to say was the motivation I needed to keep moving.
Then one day, I purchased Mr. Scale. Knowing myself and how obsessed I could get with that number I left it at work. I figured the work bathroom was a safe place – I didn’t have time to check and recheck during the day. There were some busy days I didn’t even get there. I dropped about 20lbs within the first 8 months or so. I know this – I was checking, maybe not daily, but I was checking. My relationship with Mr. Scale was a good one. He made me happy by showing me what I wanted to see. He kept me coming back, until that day the number started going back up…
What? I felt amazing, my speed was increasing, my endurance growing, my jeans feeling loose. My weight was going up and my pants size going down. Whatever. I took him home and stuffed him in the back of the bathroom closet.
It took some time to grasp that muscle was heavier than fat. Being healthy didn’t have a number associated with it. Blah, Blah, Blah…
My own insecurities still leave me with the need to explain myself when the nurse at the doctors office takes my weight. “Ah. That stupid number. Really. I am active. I run. I eat so much better…”
Let’s fast forward to now – Including today I’ve weighted myself twice in the last 6 months. I still get disappointed. Grrr. Shut Up.
Today I crossed my 40th finish line at the FIT Challenge 5k OCR in North Attleboro, MA. It was an awesome course, I used all that muscle to make it across the finish line. Each of the 40 finish lines have been special in their own way. Each took muscle. I have a mix of 5k’s, OCR’s, sprint tri’s, and a 10k in my running portfolio plus a 26 mile bike ride (not sure where to file that one). On the good days, I feel really good. < Mr. Scale hasn’t changed much – but I have a lot. That is all that matters.
Do I still hate that number? Yes.
Do I let it bother me? I can’t.
My goal weight was 135. Will I ever get back there? Probably not.
Do I want to lose more weight? We can bet my muffin tops I do.
Do I have a plan of attack or a real goal? Just to keep moving forward.
I’d like to think I’ve motivated people along the way to keep moving. My biggest challenge of motherhood will be to keep my boys motivated; to keep them moving. Which means, I must keep moving.
There is always more to the story, there are so many different hurdles and factors when it comes to changing your life for the better. Nutrition, Attitude, Motivation, to name just a few.
“It’s not a diet, It’s a lifestyle change” – is a perfect statement. It’s never been a diet. It’s what I needed to do for me and will continue to do.
Mr. Scale, I’m so over you.
This post about weight is one I’ve been meaning to write for months. I’m not sure it was as impressive as I imagined it in my mind while running – but this is it. Enjoy.
What big or small life changes have you made lately?